Pittsburgh Confused

Actually, that title is a bit misleading. For I’m sure Pittsburgh isn’t confused at all. After all, it’s probably been like this for a hundred years or more. But it does confuse me!

It’s the streets. I’ve already posted that there is no straight line between Points A and B in this whole city. After my wedding, my sister Katey told me she would never complain about driving in Boston again! And I agree. But I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the curvy roads or narrow back alleys that make this place so hard to understand. It’s the fact that these people have no creativity.

What do I mean by that? Well, I’m pretty sure every borough and township in Pittsburgh has an Orchard Avenue. And a Grant Street. And an Ohio Boulevard. The same goes for something named Ross, Bellevue, Perry, Locust…and the list continues. Did these people never stop to think that there are more names in the world?

To add to the confusion, boroughs and townships share zip codes. For example, we live on Orchard Avenue. In Avalon. But if you type in our zip code, you will get the borough (or township – not sure which it is) of Bellevue. And in Bellevue, you will find another Orchard Avenue. And another house with our number. Which causes all kinds of mixed up, late and returned mail. (Which is not helped by having a different mailman every single day!) Of course, complaining to the grand USPS is akin to negotiating a peace treaty in the Middle East. But I have had several discussions with UPS trying to get a box delivered to our house. Thankfully, they have an older driver on the route that understands the confusion but has plenty of extra headaches on account of it. Meanwhile, I’ve taken to praying over our mail. It’s the only way it arrives safely and our water or electricity don’t get turned off because our bill wasn’t delivered to us.

Ed says that at one time, these two Orchard Avenues were the same. And were connected to the one in Emsworth (which also has the same zip code, but it’s two boroughs over so doesn’t get wrapped up in this confusion). I find that terribly hard to believe because if you look at a map, they run parallel to each other and are several blocks apart. But, of course, this is Pittsburgh. Some windy road that makes no sense may have connected them at one time. But that fact doesn’t raise my esteem of Pittsburghers anymore than their lack of creativity in giving roads names. Because they are either 1) terrible road engineers or 2) terrible with the English language. And neither excuse is very flattering.