Pittsburgh's Language

“They call Pittsburgh the Galapagos Islands of American dialects…” – David Conrad, actor, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I read this quote recently on this hilarious book I picked up at the library last weekend: The Three Little Pigsburghers by Joe Wos.  A truer quote I’ve never read. Only evolution could come up with something as convoluted as ‘”Pittsburghese”.

I’ve lived in lots of places. I’m quite fluent in Texan, Southern and Bostonian as well as have a working knowledge of Mid-Western, New Yorker and Minnesotan. But Pittsburghese? It’s hard to describe. Something like a mixture of Bostonian, Mid-Western and…well, I’ve no clue. Honestly, they invent words that have no pronunciation relation to their synonyms at all. Making learning this “dialect” quite difficult.

The truth is, I can’t speak Pittsburghese. I was trying to read this hilarious book book to Emry on the way home from the library and slaughtering the story terribly. Ed was laughing uproariously, correcting my awful pronunciations and interpreting what I didn’t understand. Meanwhile, my attempt was only growing worse because attempting to pronounce “dahn”, and “aht”, and “bawdles” was only bringing out my Southern drawl (which has no relation to Pittsburghese at all).

Thankfully, the native Pittsburgh author included a glossary of words and terms in the back of the book. I will share a few of my favorite:

Shire (shower): A bathing area in which water is sprayed from a perforated nozzle allowing one to “worsh” up. (And I thought it was where the Hobbits lived…)

Maculate Reception (The Immaculate Reception): The most important event in human history. Seriously, I am not defining that. If you don’t know what that is, how did you get through history class? (And for those of us who are not Pittsburghers and don’t follow the Steelers, we’re just uneducated…)

Parking Chair (chair): A chair instilled with magical properties. When placed properly, it emanates a powerful force field which reserves a parking spot. (A chair is placed in a parking space once you either shovel it clear of snow or move your car in order to reserve your clear space. Very important in Pittsburgh when 50% of the population parks on a street.)

New This Week

I confess, I have about given up on potty training innumerable times over the past four months. I mean, really, how long is it supposed to take a not-quite-two-year-old to achieve a modicum of potty understanding? Certainly not the three-day-training program some moms proudly blog about…making the rest of us feel like complete failures, breaking down into tears and preparing to return to the worse job we ever had because it was way easier than this. Yeah, basically having a complete mental collapse.

And yet…something has finally hit home. I doubt it’s the discipline, the pep talks or even the reward “mooches” (aka: M&M’s). It’s likely just Emry making up her mind to do something, just as Emry makes up her mind about anything she wants or does not want to do. (Mmh…wonder where she gets that independent mind set?) But we went for THREE WHOLE DAYS (count them…one…two…three!) without an accident. Then we had one while eating dinner. But interrupting play time or mealtime to go “tinkle potty” isn’t part of the education yet. She just consents to go when I tell her it’s time and she does need to. On the flip side, if I tell her and she doesn’t need to we nearly throw a fit. However, we don’t spend a half hour at a time trying to go – we simply do our business and move on with our day. And, best of all, she has actually told me she needs to go BEFORE she wets her panties at least three times now. And even though this whole process has done absolutely nothing to bolster my confidence in being a mother, at least I’m not breaking down into tears anymore.

In other news, Ethan is sleeping through the night! I know, I know…he’s just ten weeks old. Most mothers would envy me. But Emry slept through the night at six weeks, so it’s been a challenge to know what to do to help him head in that direction. Usually a regular four-hour feeding schedule during the day (which he’s faithfully on) helps, but he would wake up every four hours at night as well, acting like I hadn’t fed him all day. Now he might still wake up on that four hour schedule, but he’s found his thumb (sadly) and puts himself back to sleep for another three or four hours. No, I’m not complaining.

Emry was so “slow” to reach the normal infant milestones that I dare not compare Ethan to her. To me, he seems quite strong. Already, he’ll put his feet down and lock his legs when you hold him up on your lap. Emry NEVER did that. When he has “tummy time”, it’s like watching a yoga instructor. He’s extremely good at locust pose and up-dog. Again, two things Emry NEVER did. However, when Ed told me he rolled over the other day, he added that Ethan had been angry at being placed on his tummy and kicked himself over. A fluke? Apparently not. I flipped him to his tummy the next day when he was in a very happy mood just to see what would happen…and he flipped right over. Later, I caught it on video. And, he’ll flip left or right. So while his sister may have taken her merry time to roll, sit, crawl or walk; I have a feeling he’s not going to take any time at all.

Are They Listening?

If you’ve ever worked with kids, you know there are many moments when you wonder if they hear a word you say. If you’re a parent, you wonder that every single day. How many times do I have to tell Emry to use the potty? Or be careful on the steps? Or not lean on Ethan? This generation doesn’t understand, but I sound like a broken record.

So it’s hard for us to realize that kids are truly listening, more than we could ever imagine. We hear it as they repeat something we said, often something we wish we hadn’t said! And they are taking those things and connecting them to the little world they know. Sometimes in rather astounding ways.

Several weeks ago, we were at church. Emry goes to church service with us 98% of the time. She is a handful to deal with. She doesn’t like to sit still for over an hour, and she has never been one of those kids who will fall asleep in your lap (or anywhere else except her own bed). So keeping her quietly occupied once the singing is over and the sermon has begun is a fulltime job. But her being in the service is important to me, especially when her Sunday school class doesn’t yet have Bible stories or anything. Part of being at church is hearing God’s Word. But, yes, I do often wonder if the wiggling girl I’m trying to keep quiet is hearing one Word. And yet…

Our pastor has been preaching through the book of John. He was talking about parables and how they are used to teach very important and very real lessons. He used the example of the prophet Nathan who comes to King David after David commits adultery with Bathsheba. Nathan tells a story, one that makes David so angry he doesn’t even realize Nathan is talking about him. As our pastor read the story Nathan tells, he emphasized the end when Nathan relates the story to David and declares, “You are the man!” Emry, busily coloring, repeats “The man!”. She then looks  up, points to Ethan who is fast asleep in his car seat and declares, “Little Man!” Then she goes back to coloring.

I almost laughed out loud. Did Emry have any idea what the story the prophet Nathan told hundreds of years ago meant? Likely not. She doesn’t quite understand stealing and she certainly doesn’t understand committing adultery. Who knows if she even heard half the story. But she did hear words that she could relate to her little world. For our nickname for Ethan is “Little Man”. To her, the words she heard meant her baby brother. To me, they meant she was actually listening!

No, Emry doesn’t yet understand a whole sermon. And, yes, my Sunday morning exercise program of keeping Emry quiet and still is the most challenging of my week. But when I hear her repeat the Word she has just heard, I find that it’s worth it. One day, Lord willing, these Words she is hearing will relate to herself and she will be saved.

Easter

He is Risen!!!!

So we taught Emry to say, but she isn’t exactly sure what Easter is all about yet. Thankfully, that’s a blanket statement. She doesn’t understand the Easter bunny, coloring eggs or hunting for them any more than she understands the death and glorious resurrection of our Savior. So for now our parenting skills are intact. She doesn’t think finding Easter eggs is better than celebrating what Christ has done for us. Next year, though…

Naturally, I dressed my children very nicely for Easter Sunday. It’s always a wonderful Easter further north when the weather is actually warm enough to dress in nice spring clothes. Emry wore an adorable dress my friend Allyson had given her to wear last summer, but it didn’t fit until this year. And Ethan had on a very cute pair of overalls he inherited from his cousin Benny…which he proceeded to dirty with a whopper of a diaper before church concluded. Not that it mattered ultimately for he slept through the photo-op up at the West End Overlook anyhow. So our parenting skills are again lacking – no adorable pictures of our kids together for the Easter holiday. Maybe next year…

Still, we got some cute pictures all around. And, in the end, Easter isn’t about pictures anyhow, right?

He is Risen, Indeed!!!!!

Emry in her Easter dress as the West End Overlook.

Ethan wasn’t happy until the overalls were off!

Enjoying Easter chocolate. (And Mama thought she couldn’t unwrap it – hah!)

My Bumper Sticker

We’ve all seen them. Bumper stickers about honor students, sports stars, brilliant dogs, amazing grandchildren. I’m going to get one that says “My Kids are Off the Charts”…because they are.

On Tuesday, we had Ethan’s 2-month doctor’s appointment and Emry’s 2-year. Both kids are quite healthy. I was just about right on Ethan’s weight – a pound bigger than his 1-month. He is, in fact, a full pound and one ounce larger, weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds and 7 ounces. Looking back and Emry’s chart, he’s actually two ounces smaller than she was at that age, but an inch longer. Which is probably why newborn sleepers don’t fit anymore even though newborn clothes do. But if you put his weight and length together, he’s not even on the charts. Just like his sister.

And speaking of his sister, I wasn’t anywhere close on her weight. I was thinking about 25 pounds, tiny but growing. Try 22 pounds and 10 ounces. She’s a full 31-inches tall. Put these together and she doesn’t even hit the charts – unless you’re looking at the chart for an 1-year old. She’s probably the only toddler that’s wearing the same clothes she did last summer. Not that we’re complaining. Some of her clothes are awfully cute!

To Emry

My Little Girl,

Today you are two years old. One! Two!

This past year has been full of so many changes. This time last year, you would happily sit wherever we put you, playing contentedly with whatever toys were within reach. You weren’t even crawling, and I wondered if you ever would before you decided to attempt walking. But you did crawl…and then at 18 months you started walking. And today you multi-task at your play – lawn bowling with me while blowing bubbles. You come by that honestly.

You have gone from smiling and cooing to giggling and narrating your entire day almost non-stop and always in third-person. I love to watch you play with your dollhouse or your stuffed animals, mimicking your daily life as you train them to “tinkle-potty” or walk to the library. You’re a busy little person. You’re very good at puzzles, you can count up to three (and sometimes up to six, although you tend to skip the number four), you can say some of your alphabet and fill in the blanks of the first four verses of Psalm 23 as I’ve taught you. You love to read books, especially Biscuit, and I love listening to you read the same books to your stuffed animals. Your favorite books are dog-eared in the right upper corners because you turn your pages just like I do, only rougher.

You are a very observant little girl. The other day you watched a little boy throwing rocks in the river. Although you know how to throw the rocks, you watched how he pulled his arm back and then did the same, hurling your rocks twice as far as you had before. You know how to sweep, and use a screwdriver, and stir cookie dough just by watching (even if your skill level is just beginning). And while you love to watch other kids, you are never pressured to follow the bigger kids in their games. You know your own mind and make your own decisions. You come by that honestly, too.

You have the memory of an elephant (as they say). The other day you picked out a shirt and informed me you had worn it to “Mr. ‘n Ms. Timko” (your Sunday School teachers), which you had the evening they babysat you three weeks ago. You talk about your “old house” all the time and tell us the story about the spider on the light switch that fell down and was found again near the ceiling fan before Papa took care of it every time you see that light switch. If I say you may do something after your nap, you remind me as soon as you get up. I am learning to watch what I say.

Most of the time, you are a very sweet girl. You are gentle with your brother (unless you feel it is your turn for attention, which you then make very plain). You play nicely with other kids, and you are willing to learn. But you can also be very stubborn, whine to get your own way, and potty-training has been an arduous journey. Some days I just want to give up. But I won’t. Because I love you.

Two Months!

Life is so full that it’s hard to believe two months have gone by since my son was born, but he is two months today. He is growing, as he ought with the way he eats! Yesterday he had his first hair cut (he was starting to look like a little monkey with his hair growing over his ears and collar). No one seems to have told him that “back is best” for he tends to fall asleep on his belly during “tummy time”. So when he wakes up, he kicks to try to flip over. I have a feeling he will be faster at this trick than his sister was. He tends to be a serious infant. The other day, I was on the floor trying to get him to smile. His lips would twitch, but then he would stop the smile and put on a serious face. So, I was quite fortunate to catch some good pictures for his two-month “birthday”.

 Smiling!

His usual serious look.

With his new Sock Monkey.

Happy 1^st Birthday, Benny!