How to Choose a Church

I was going to start this blog with the comment that I wish there was a book on the topic of how to choose a church. But then I Googled it. And there a multitude of said books. Wise King Solomon was correct: “Of making many books there is no end.” (Ecclesiastes 12:12)

I won’t judge any of these books by their covers, but I would have to say that choosing a church is not a simple read-and-do. Unless, perhaps, you don’t really care what kind of church you go to because all you’re interested in feeling good and checking a box on your highway to Heaven. (FYI: you’re not going to get to Heaven by simply checking boxes…or going to church.) But for those of us who want to worship our Lord and Savior with our family in Christ, well, finding a really good church is hard – even in America.

Just before we decided to move to Pittsburgh, a Sunday school lesson addressed the subject of churches. I can’t remember exactly what the entire lesson was about (something in Paul’s epistles) but our pastor in Pittsburgh wrote out a chart on the white board that a professor at his seminary had once shared. Basically, it broke out choosing a church into three categories:

1)  Essentials – these are articles in our doctrine that we would live and die on (if we were to live in a country where that was a real possibility). Things like Christ being the ONLY way to God, the Trinity, the deity of Christ (and also His manhood), Christ’s second coming (millennial views aside), Christ’s full and finished atonement for our sins and the literal death, burial and resurrection of Christ. In a nutshell: the bedrock of our faith.

2)  Distinctions – these are where the breakdown of denominations occur. For instance, the means and mode of baptism. Presbyterians typically baptize infants while Baptists certainly do not. So while can you can commune as brethren in Christ together, you are likely to end up in different churches. (But not always as I have been a member of each, although I am a Baptist on this subject.) Another one might be Calvinism vs. Arminianism. Some might say those two camps can’t drink from the same well, but John Wesley and George Whitefield would disagree. And I have been in churches where both worship side by side.

3)  Give-or-take – these are things in a church you treasure but are not things you would die for and may be things you can “bend” on. Children’s ministries, maybe, or elder rule versus a pastoral staff. A big one is probably music. That’s one I struggle with, although I’ve come to ask myself is the music for mere feel-good entertainment or truly a mode of worshipping God?

A disclaimer on these three points: godly people disagree on where some topics might fall. Some people would never step foot in a Calvinist church so their Arminianism would fall under number one for them. Others can give and take on millennial views but some are “hard core” and I even know one church where you have to agree to their view to be a member. So these points are not all inclusive, but they certainly have helped us think through our process.

When my family moved to Indiana in 2009, we visited THIRTEEN different churches. And then, literally, settled. For nearly eight years. But we’re not church hoppers (moving every two years aside), so I think my parents now feel eight years overstayed their welcome, especially since no one at that church bothered to ask why they finally left. Now they attend a church they can never join because there is a distinction they don’t agree with. It doesn’t curtail fellowship, but it does curtail membership. Which, I think, is why we decided not to attend there.

My sisters attend another church in town. Ed has actually never visited there, but I went several times last summer. For Indiana, it’s a mega-church. It’s certainly one you can get lost in, which is one of those give-and-take things I don’t like. I also feel the music tends more towards entertainment. However, I do think that church has some amazing gospel-reaching ministries. But I simply couldn’t attend there.

We visited four different churches upon moving here. One was an absolute no. The music was certainly for entertainment purposes and the slew of youth sitting behind us with no parental supervision passing around their Facebook and Instagram feeds on their phones during the entire service was beyond distracting. One simply didn’t “fit” even though the sermon and music were great. One we really liked and went twice, but the distance (which we had done in Pittsburgh) was not something we really wanted to repeat. So, exhausted already, we visited one last one in town that the pastor of the one we liked suggested. Surprisingly, we liked it.

I had actually visited that church when my family moved to Indiana in 2009, but I don’t really remember it and ten years later the leadership as well as the leadership structure (they are now elder rule) has completely changed. The music isn’t exactly what I would like, but it is worshipful. The preaching is good, the teaching is good. It’s a bit larger than we would like, but not so big as to get lost. The people are welcoming, the distinctions are exactly what we’re looking for (not as “hard core” as our church in Pittsburgh, but there is distinct grace) and we feel our children are safe. (They have a very lengthy child protection policy and check-in system for ALL children, even teenagers. Our church in Pittsburgh has a smaller but just as careful policy – a sad reality in the world in which we live.) It’s a church we can grow in, serve in and find a family in. And while no church is perfect, we are all sinners saved and living by grace. So, on Sunday we officially became members.

So, this lengthy blog is to tell you there are no “Ten Simple Steps to Finding Your Perfect Church” as much as I wish there were. But perhaps that’s as it should be. After all, there is no “perfect” church. And if finding a church was easy, I think I would have to question if my faith is easy – something the Bible says is simply not so. Faith is hard. Christ is triumphant.