Mistakes

I don’t like making mistakes. Serious mistakes. On things that really matter. Not necessarily the misspelled word you might find before you finish reading this post. Or the math mistake that has me beating my head against a wall as I balance the checkbook. Or skipping a page in Emry’s phonics book because it was stuck to the previous one. I’ve done those things often enough that they’ve become mostly annoyances and not moments of deep confession. Because we’re human. We make mistakes. 

But if I make a mistake at work, I can get really upset at myself. Before my co-workers, I like to appear perfect...even though I’m not. I don’t like to forget something, procrastinate or do a lesser job than I might be able to, even on things I’m still learning (like creating proposals in InDesign). It’s not for their praise, really, although that’s nice. It’s mostly because I’m the office manager. I’m supposed to have all the answers, pick up all the slack and lift more than my share of the weight to keep the wheels turning. It’s my job, right?

On the other hand, mistakes at work are quite minor compared to many of the things I have done that could have ended in catastrophe. The moments I remember the most were times when my world was out of orbit and I was more focused on the problems than the obvious right in front of me. Those are the moments that could have been much worse than the problem I created. And it’s thinking about what could have happened that keeps me from forgetting what I did. A lesson, I hope by God’s grace, well learned and not repeated.

By definition, making a mistake is an accident. No one purposefullymakes a mistake. Something wrong done with intention is blatant sin. And while a mistake may be a sin, it’s caused by the fact that our natural state is sin and we lived in a sin-cursed world. Mistakes are inevitable. Yet, so often, we fear them.

When you think about it, it’s an irrational fear. It’s like fearing your eye blinking. Of course your eye is going to blink. It does so approximately 28,800 times a day. You can’t stop it. And so, of course you don’t fear it. Well, mistakes are the same way. They’re going to happen. Probably several times every day. And yet we fear them.

Why? Because we don’t like to let someone down, perhaps. Or because we enjoy the praise of those around us. And always lurking behind almost everything we do is that terrible sin called pride, taunting us that other people don’t make those mistakes. Another thought is that, for those of us who are Christians, we are called to be holy and perfect as our Saviour is both holy and perfect. Mistakes remind us of how far from either we are.

In the recent Voice of the Martyrs newsletter, I was reminded of mistakes. Excerpted from a 1987 newsletter by Richard Wurmbrand (the founder of VOM) was an article entitled “Fear: The Greatest Mistake”. A quote from that article has had me thinking for a couple of weeks now:

“We all have tasks from God. It is better to fulfill them with mistakes than to leave them unfulfilled.”

What are my tasks from God? Some, of course, are mundane: sweeping the floor, doing the laundry, preparing meals. But what about helping my children memorize Scripture? Talking to them, even in public, about Jesus. Loving my husband. Teaching the preschool Sunday School class once a quarter. Praying daily for so many things not only in my own life but in the lives of those around me. Do I leave these tasks undone because I fear I will make a mistake in my attempts? Often, yes. I’m afraid my kids won’t understand the verse they are memorizing or, even worse, shrug it aside as worthless fifteen or twenty years from now. What if I offend someone praying over lunch at McDonalds with the kids? I know my love for Ed isn’t nearly what it ought to be, so I’ll just read another book. Do I seriously fear what a four-year-old thinks of how I presented the story of Daniel? And there are so many people who pray way better than I do. God must get really tired of my distracted mind and often mindless words. So many mistakes. Maybe these things are better left undone than left hanging limply from the mistakes I’m washed them in.

But God knows that. Every vessel He has is full of warps and bumps. He created us. He knows our sinful natures and how very mistake prone we are. And yet He still chose us. Called us. Saved us. Uses us. Fearing the mistakes we are bound to make is saying that God made a mistake in calling us. 

And God does not make mistakes.

So, I need to set aside this fear. I need to acknowledge, like the blinking of my eye, that mistakes are going to happen and just go on. Obey God. Fulfill the tasks He has given me. And trust that the Sovereign God of all the earth is just that: sovereign. Even over my stupid mistakes.