Forgiveness is a difficult thing. Sin does not wire us to naturally put aside grievances and wrongs done against us or others. We take the opposite view: we cling to offenses as if they were floating boards of wood after our ships wreck. We think they’re the only things that can save us from drowning – while if we would only look up we would find a ship ready to take us aboard and save us.

It’s true there are people in our lives who have done things to us, purposefully or not, that hurt more than words can express. The wounds aren’t just deep – they’re gaping. And time doesn’t heal. Our minds play them over and over again until our hearts ache and tears roll down our cheeks. Most of us know this pain that is very real, very hard, and very personal.

Yet we also know our Savior’s words in Matthew 6: “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” As one theologian put it, “Lord, may You forgive my faults and failures towards You to the same extent as I have forgiven the faults and failures of others towards me.” Would you like the Lord do that to you?

The truth is God’s forgiveness towards us does not depend upon our actions. We don’t have to do anything to gain His forgiveness and salvation. As Paul said in Romans, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” So thankfully our gracious heavenly Father does not forgive us as we forgive others. And yet He does want us to forgive as He forgives. And we surely fall short of that.

Usually a day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of the one person I believe has caused the greatest pain in my life. It’s a hurt that festered for years before bursting forth, and the wound remains as tender now as then. As my pastor spoke on forgiveness from Matthew 6 Sunday morning, I thought of something I had read in Acts during my devotions. On the day of Pentecost, Peter spoke the crowd and stated that Christ was delivered into the wicked hands that crucified Him by the “determinate counsel” of God. In other words, the “definite plan” of a sovereign, foreordaining God. I had been thinking that morning as I readied myself for church that God also has a “definite plan” for my life. I think of that often, stuck in the concrete desert of Texas with a sweltering summer upon me, and find comfort in my heavenly Father and His love. Even here, I am in the palm of His hand. Nothing will happen to me He has not already seen and knows. Nor has anything happened in the last thirty years of my life that He had not seen and knew would be. So, I wondered on the drive home from church, God knew this person would hurt me and it was in His definite plan for my life. If I keep dredging the pain up with only a miniscule amount of forgiveness, am I truly mad at this person or am I really mad at my sovereign Father for letting it happen?

I’ve never really thought myself as mad at God for what’s happened and the ache in my heart over it. I’ve always given a nod of acknowledgement to God’s loving sovereignty over it all and the continual consequences. And, yet, I think I have been mad at God – or, at the very least, I have not forgiven as He forgives me.

So does this revelation give me an overwhelming capability to forgive? To forget? To get rid of this pain? No. To forgive, yes. To ask for grace every day to give the thing a rest in my mind, yes. To forget, unfortunately, never. To quit the pain, no. But it is one small step on this narrow road I am taking Home. And yet another reason to praise my loving Father for His grace to continue on.