Changing my Name

I am not a 21^st Century feminist, but I have always sympathized with those women who simply keep their maiden name when they get married. Now I empathize with them.

Changing your name is not as easy as changing your address. Or phone number. Or even your flat tire. It’s a long, drawn out process that is probably going to take me years. I’m starting to wonder if I will even live that long.

For one, these Yankee states above the Mason Dixon line continue the War of Northern Aggression with their silly rules and regulations. I mean, really? How am I supposed to prove the name change I have chosen with a W-2 when I haven’t even received a paycheck in my new name? Let alone received a W-2 when I’ve only been married 3 weeks? And the time they give you for getting a driver’s license doesn’t even allow you enough time to get your passport changed. I mean, it’s not like I’m picking some name out of the air. Every part of my name is legally mine to hold or loose. I’ve got lots of documents to prove every syllable of it. I just want to follow a Southern tradition, drop my middle name and move my maiden name. Yankees think it’s their Confederate counterparts that keep the “South will Rise Again” fires burning, but in truth they’re the ones who won’t stop trying to smother us and our traditions. Meanwhile, my name remains in limbo.

And it’s almost impossible to call a company, tell them you got married, give them the new name and then watch everything get changed within that company. I’ve had to contact Verizon twice. I’ve talked to my bank three or four times…and I need to call them again. For while one part gets changed, my maiden name shows up somewhere else in the paperwork. Good thing I really don’t have that many bills.

Every week, I come across something else I have to change my name on: Amazon, PayPal, Thriftbooks, Ebay, Half.com, iTunes…I’m sure I haven’t even thought of everyone or visited the website since I was married. Slowly, I’m also trying to change my e-mail as well. Some of them were easy enough. iTunes took me nearly an hour. And since some of them then also require password changes, I’m starting to loose what’s what.

Of course, I still sign my name “Melissa Sturm”. Usually I catch myself or scribble in a “Camus” after it. The one that really gets me, though, is when someone on the phone asks my name. It’s automatic: “Melissa Sturm”. Well, now it’s more like “Melissa-Sturm-I-mean-Camus”. Makes me sound like I don’t even know my own name.

But maybe I don’t since everything isn’t exactly correct yet. It’s enough to make me re-think the idea of giving girls middle names. And it makes me feel very sorry for a couple of girls I know who have two middle names. It might be smarter if they just never get married. Or decide to be feminists.