Reality Begins to Set In

I can’t tell if I’m an averagely excited going-to-be-a-parent or a below averagely excited. I’m guessing the latter just because I try very hard not to get excited about anything (or – at least – not to show it). I do know I’m not like some soon-to-be-parents. Since we rent, we won’t be going all out in the nursery. I haven’t even thought of things to hang on the wall (except one thing I saw). Even if I did decorate, I’m no where close to most people on Pinterest. And we’re just now starting to look around at things like cribs, strollers and all that fun stuff. I mean, I am getting nearer the half-way mark!

In the back of my mind, sometimes, I just can’t believe I’m really having a baby. Especially since the first trimester sickness is over. I mean, I am a bit fatter. I do eat a little more. I can’t run 10 minutes miles anymore. I have to visit a doctor. And I haven’t slept so late since I was a teenager! So, looking at things for the baby seems odd. I mean, other people have babies. Not me.

But I’m by no means a procrastinator. This baby will not arrive and my bike and boxes and other random things remain in the spare room. There will be a crib, and blankets, and clothes, and diapers, and a bathtub…and so-on-and-so-forth. Because not being prepared is as unlike Melissa Sturm Camus as leaping for joy is.

Of course, we aren’t going to find out what we’re having. So, buying clothes is a little difficult in a world fraught with gender-pointed clothing and not gender-neutral. (Which is odd in a world where adults can’t seem to decide what sex they actually are.) But, as Allyson wisely pointed out, it keeps you from spending tons of money on adorable pink and purple jumpers or sleepers with fire trucks. (Which I so easily could do!) There’s enough neutral stuff to get by until people start piling cute clothes on you and that suits my budget very well.

Meanwhile, there’s the important stuff. Like the little vibrating seat I bought at a consignment shop last weekend. I’ve wanted one of those since one of the infants I babysat back in the ‘90s had one. So, now it sits in my spare room. And shouts at me every time I walk by. Because it brings the reality home. It makes me realize that I’m really going to have a baby. Ed and I are going to be parents. We will have a little one sitting in that chair sleeping or smiling at us and filling our hours with little sleep, tons of diapers, hours of eating, some frustration and all the joy in the world. 

It’s too amazing to believe.