A Marriage Mindset

I have been married a grand total of just over 14 months, so I am by no means writing a blog, telling people how it is and what they should do to have a wondrous marriage. Maybe in 50 years (if either Ed or I live that long which is very doubtful, there are still blogs to post and anyone cares to read what an 85-year-old woman has to say), I’ll write such a blog. But I doubt it. I probably will know more about marriage in 50 years, but never enough to counsel anyone on the topic.

Every day I live I know I’m married. Sometimes it just hits home more than other times. Like on Sunday. It’s the first time I’ve ever sat through a sermon series on marriage and actually been married. And it was a little odd.

Maybe all girls who are married navigate the waters of married life on top of navigating the waters of actually being a married woman, but I’m thinking those of us who get married later in life see these waters as being a bit stormy. Without realizing it (because I wanted very much to be married), I had come to know who I was as a single woman. I was more than a little accustomed to my independence, but I also knew my place. Now that I’m married, I have no clue where I belong in the hierarchy of womanhood.

Oh, I get that I’ve crossed the river and stand on the shore marked “Married”, looking across the gap to those who remain single, gazing with longing (or not) to my side of the river. But I had stood on that other side for so long, I’m still grappling up the bank on my side. For on Sunday, I’m listening to a wonderful sermon on Genesis 2 and God’s purpose of marriage with the same thoughts I’ve always had when a preacher tries to include single people into a sermon on marriage, “What do you know?”

I was struck by the fact that here I sit in the pew with a wriggling four-month-old on my lap and a husband sitting next to me listening to the discussion of marriage and feeling the pain of every single person in that congregation. Because I know what it’s like to be them more than I know what its like to be me.

I’m not yet adjusted to the women in church speaking to me like an equal – like I know something about being married or having kids just because I have a husband and have given birth. It’s very odd to me to be noticed instead of passed over. I have to shake myself every time a woman comes up to me and invites me to some event. It’s almost like I suddenly ceased to be a geek and joined the cheerleader squad. On the reverse, it’s just as odd to have single girl step around you because you’re married and they don’t feel like part of the club.

My mother once wisely told me that no matter what stage of life you are in, you can always be an outsider for one reason or another. She’s right. And all you can do is navigate the waters around you as well as you know how. Sometimes that means simply holding onto the mast and hoping you don’t go down with the storm. Other times, you can actually read the compass and see the stars. Whichever way, the plan is the same – keep going. So, I’ll keep going…and hope it gets a little easier.