Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:16 (ESV)
Every time I read Psalm 139, I am amazed at my Creator. It is astounding how much He thinks of me. He gave me my blue eyes, my dark hair (that started out bleach blond), my high cheekbones, every single line etched into my skin, and the dots called freckles. Everything I both like and dislike about myself, He made with loving consideration.
But as I read this Psalm today in the ESV version, I found the above verse more amazing than ever. For I truly believe in a sovereign God who knows my beginning, every day inbetween, and my end. And, yes, He knew them before I was born. But its more than He simply knew them - He has formed every single one of them.
If my math is correct, I have lived 11,145 days. And every single one of them was expressly designed moment by moment for me. The big events: 13 moves, the first day of Kindergarten, high school graduation, first job, the birth of eight siblings (and death of one), chickenpox, first car, innumerable friends, the day of my salvation...and the list continues. Or the small events: every sun rise, snowstorm and rain fall; book reports and books read; waking up and going to sleep; brushing my hair and my teeth; shopping; eating; drinking.
Just think about it for a second. In eternity past, God knew that Melissa Michele Sturm on her first day of Kindergarten some time in August of 1985 in the little town of Lewisburg, Tennessee where she lived in the upstairs of a rock house with a quilted bedspread made by her mother would stand at the end of her gravel driveway and wait for a yellow school bus that did not pick her up. Instead, a yellow school bus driven by a white haired lady realized the mistake and stopped for this little girl carrying her rainbow backpack and dressed in her favorite Strawberry Shortcake dress which her mother had made even though the said bus driver had already dropped off her load at Marshall Elementary School on the other side of town. So, Melissa Michele Sturm took the long way to school that morning (via Connelly Middle School where her parents had attended junior high "ages" ago), prayed she would not get off at the wrong school, and arrived to walk down the hall of Marshall Elementary just in time to reach her classroom. Where her teacher was Miss Cummings and where - over the next nine months - she would meet Katie Lovett (whom she still corresponds with 25 years later, although Katie is now married and the mother of two), lose her first tooth, have a boy in the class draw on her doll's head, and be introduced to Saint Patrick's Day when she did not wear green because she did not know she was supposed to and got pinched. And those are just some of the details she remembers. God ordained each of them, plus the millions she has completely forgotten. And He ordained each of them before Melissa Michele Sturm even existed. Or her parents existed. Or her grandparents. Or...you get the point.
It's very, very easy for me to forget God's ordaining grace and love. So many days, I simply focus on survival (especially in Texas). And other days, I get caught up with thinking about the future and despairing of things I hold dear - marriage, kids of my own, living among cold weather and mountains and trees, having a book published - that haven't happened and might never. Then I read Psalm 139 and marvel that I live with my head stuck in the sand and forget that my God loves me dearly, would never give me a snake for the fish I asked of Him, and NOTHING will ever happen to me that He has not already graciously ordained. Now, of course, that does not mean I will not face trials - maybe even worse than the ones I have already had - but He's seen me through them, hasn't He? And even though I wouldn't wish them on my worse enemy, I would never give up the lessons they have taught me. Because my Heavenly Father knows BEST. And He has already ordained it.
For us, surprises happen (like canceled airline tickets - long story). And they make us upset (very upset). But why? Because we forget how great our God is - and how He has formed every piece of us and our lives. And while some people might not like that fact, I treasure it. For no where else will I find a love like that.
No comments:
Post a Comment