Children…Parents

C is for… “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this right.” Ephesians 6:1

This is the verse Emry has hanging above her changing table for the letter C. Sometimes when I am changing her, we read one or two of the verses from the cards hanging there. Most often, we read the letters Q, R, S and T simply because they are right in front of me. So, I thought I would start at A and work my way through them. Most of them are very familiar verses, ones I have memorized from my childhood. That includes Ephesians 6:1, but when I read it to her the other day, I was stopped in my tracks. Suddenly, that verse took on a whole new meaning. Why? Because I wasn’t the “children” anymore. I was the “parents”.

Of course, we never truly stop being “children”. We are always the child of our parents. But the roles do change a bit. As we get older, our parents aren’t telling us to do our chores, or make our beds, or help with dinner. Hopefully, if we’re still at home, we understand those responsibilities and don’t need to be reminded. If we have left home, I’m sure our parents hope those lessons lead us into being responsible adults. Verse 2 of Ephesians 6 becomes more applicable, “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise).” Because while we may no longer need to obey our parents in the strictest sense of that term every day, we can still honour them in a thousand ways every day. I hope I will ever be mindful of that.

But then the day comes when the “children” become the “parents”. When a completely different part of that verse becomes reality and you’re left with the stunned feeling that you are in way over your head. At least, that’s what I felt standing next to Emry’s changing table, listening to her chatter as I dressed her for the day. How did I get here? When did I grow up? And how do I leave the safety net of “obey” to walk the tight rope of the one being obeyed?

Because the reality is, there is safety in obedience. We don’t understand that when our parents tell us to clean our room when we’d rather be outside playing with our friends whose room is much messier than ours and their parents don’t make them clean it. At that moment we think our parents are cruel and unreasonable, and we can’t wait till we’re grown up and can leave our room a mess if we feel like it. But in being obedient, we come to understand what is right and what is wrong. We are taught in the way we should go (e.g.: keeping one’s room clean will lead to a desire to keep one’s house clean in the decades to come). And we are kept safe. Now, were some of my parents rules and restrictions a bit over the top? Doubtless. But did I ever doubt (except in moments of self pity) that my parents loved me? Never.

However, on the reverse side, where is the safety in being the one making the rules? Do parents make up rules as they go along, plucking them out of their own imaginations because it sounds like something that they want their child to do? Perhaps some parents do. I certainly don’t understand where parents who don’t know the Lord come up with their rules. Moral principal? Or, perhaps, that’s why we have so many children running up and down grocery store aisles with no one telling them nay until it becomes overwhelming and then some random adult (you hope is the parent but aren’t sure because they haven’t been present until now) practically tackles the child and makes useless threats to stop the protests but the child escapes and runs off, leaving behind a frustrated but shrugging adult. Why? Because it’s a tough job to create rules and enforce them. How do we know that rule is a good one? If we enforce it but it isn’t good, will it ruin the child? Do we have too many rules? Or maybe not enough? And how do we determine that?

Those are questions I sometimes wonder about as Emry grows, her self-will making itself quite apparent even as she learns useful and simply fun things. I am well aware that I am far from perfect and could completely ruin this little life with my own desires, ideas, selfishness and ambition. And it’s frightening that if left to my own devices, I could create rules that leave her confused and angry. But at least God has graciously given me a guide: His Word. I’m not on shaky ground when I tell her that lying is wrong, stealing is evil and hating is bad. God’s Word says so. It also teaches us to be gentle, keep things in order and be loving and kind.

I am still stunned and overwhelmed as I think of being the parent who is to be honoured and obeyed. I don’t feel like I’ve come far enough for that – that I still need to be the obedient child until I learn a great deal more. Perhaps the key is to remember that I still am the obedient child, a child of my Heavenly. That even as I obey, I can also teach Emry to obey. And every day pray for the grace to do so.