To Be Southern, Part 3

Ah, the wonderful quirkiness of the South. I suppose, truly, every area of our country has it’s quirky ways. It’s just easier to laugh at Southerner’s saying “over yonder” than a New Englander plugging up his nose and stating “ovah there”.

Like anywhere, it’s easy to wonder where turns of phrases come from. How do Southern children know exactly where they’re headed when their Mama tells them their toy is “over yonder”? Why are Southerners always “fixin’ to” do something? And do they really mean it when they say “well, bless her heart” over almost every story they hear?

Of course, there is also the great food of the South. Things like banana pudding. It seems so simple and ordinary and yet I’ve met LOTS of people north of the Mason Dixon who have no idea what that is and think it’s probably disgusting. Cornbread is baked in bacon grease in a cast iron pan (which every Southern housewife has – it’s good for both cooking and knocking sense into your husband). Cornbread is NOT sweet. However, tea IS sweet (think of it has syrup, not an actual liquid). Tea without sugar is like bread without butter. (And on that note, tea is cold – not hot. It’s our personal vendetta against England. Throwing it in the harbor was all well and good, Massachusetts, but that was the passion of a moment. We continue our rebellion to this very day.) You can fry almost everything. And while I don’t get into chittlin’s or fried green tomatoes, I do think grits are very good.

There is, of course, football. And we’re not talking fancy, million dollar salaries football. We’re talking Go Big Orange!, Roll, Tide, Roll! and Ole’ Miss. To prove this point, just this past week I was talking with a co-worker who buys seasons tickets with the Steelers every year (they took this over from his father-in-law who had done it since 1955). He remarked that, of course, I was from the South so I would like…ummm…

“The Titans?” I filled in his memory lapse. “I lived in Tennessee when the Titans were still the Houston Oilers. We don’t do pro. We do college.”

Now this guy knows all about college ball. He’s an Ohio State alumni and his son attends Penn State. Last year, I heard more than my share of how well Ohio State was doing and never said a word, but now I just had to say something.

“My grandfather played for Tennessee,” I offered.

“Oh!” along with stunned silence.

“And his brother played for Alabama. And his son did, too. In fact, he’s in the Alabama Football hall of fame. And his son also played for Alabama,” I added for good measure.

Another, “Oh.” And then a weakly added, “Ohio did beat Alabama…once.”

Yeah, I think I’m done hearing about these Yankee colleges attempting to play football (granted, with some success at times – but everyone has their off seasons).

It is great to be Southern.