Following Directions

In Kindergarten, I didn’t follow directions.

You might be thinking, “Okay. You were five or six. Every five or six year old doesn’t follow directions once or twice.” True, true.  And yet…

It was an arithmetic coloring page, one of those that you add the numbers together and then color-by-number according to the sum. Very simple. Except Ms. Cummings, the teacher, was telling us which color to use on which numbers. I don’t remember the number, but I do remember to color was yellow. And, looking back on it, I’m not 100% sure I didn’t follow the directions for there were five or six of us in the class that did not color that number yellow. As I know I wasn’t cheating off someone else’s page, either we all decided not to follow directions on that particular number or something was lacking in translation. Whatever it was, Ms. Cummings later used our lack of following directions as an object lesson for the whole class. I got a “NG” on the top of my paper and to this day I remember the feeling of horror, shame and disgrace I apparently still carry with me. It was so acute that a year later when Ms. Cummings came to our first grade class to watch us the last fifteen minutes of the day because Mrs. Steely had to leave early for some appointment, I was sure she must have told Mrs. Steely of my lapse in obedience and I was to be watched carefully lest it should happen again.

By now you might be saying I need to see a psychiatrist. That was 32 years ago. It’s time to get over it. After all, that “NG” grade did not go on your transcripts and ruin your chances of a decent college education. You were not the only one who didn’t follow the directions. Ms. Cummings probably had hundreds of students pass through her classroom who were guilty of larger misdemeanors than using the color yellow wrongly. And that isn’t your biggest sin, Melissa. Trust me, I know all of the above. And yet I remember that day as if it happened an hour ago.

I can tell you with the utmost honesty that moment in Kindergarten was not the only time in the many years of my education that I did not follow directions. But it made me acutely aware that directions are to be followed. After all, that is one of the first lessons any decent parent teaches their child. I demand such obedience from Emry, who is only two years old but perfectly capable of not only following one direction I give her but three at a time! Which is why I do not understand why there are so many adults who cannot follow directions.

Just recently I have come across two such occurrences. One is rather silly. I created a Google doc online to gather information for a new church directory. Depending on how many children the family has, it probably takes all of five minutes to fill out. And yet, looking through the responses, there are two glaring problems: phone numbers and birthdates. I made if very clear that phone numbers should look like this (xxx) xxx-xxxx and birthdates like this mm/dd. And yet 95% of the responses were not correct on one account or the other. While this is a very simple fix once I download the spreadsheet, that’s not really the point. These are grown adults, 99% of them over the age of 30, who cannot follow simple directions. Or, more likely, don’t even bother to read them.

The other occurrence is straightening out the final water and sewage bills at our old duplex. Our landlord failed to cover his part of the arrangement and so I am now getting billed for a whole month of usage we didn’t have. A simple phone call is all it would have taken, and I was trying to cover not only my bases with the cancellation but also his when I didn’t have the water simply turned off. Lesson learned yet again. If I want something done right, I should just do it myself.

I probably shouldn’t get up on a soapbox about this because I am sure my Heavenly Fathers sits in Heaven shaking His head at me and saying, “Melissa, really? I didn’t make it complicated. Do not covet. Three words. What are you not understanding?” Thankfully He doesn’t have pet peeves. He has grace, as should I. But sometimes that direction is a little hard to follow…