Friends

It has been a long time since I sat on my bedroom floor and cried. Because having time to do something like is right up there with finding time to use the bathroom! But the other day, I was reminded of something I had avoided thinking about for a long time. And since the kids were down for naps and Ed was stretched out on the couch reading news feeds that only make him angry (????), I sat down next to my closet and cried.

For the sake of argument, let’s just call me a “military-brat”. It’s technically true and my dad working for a defense company after leaving the Navy equaled the same thing: move every two or three years. I will confess it wasn’t always easy. The biggest hurdle was always making friends…and then leaving them…and then starting the whole awful scenario over again. It was enough to wish I could lock myself in my bedroom with my books, pen, paper and imagination and NEVER leave. Thankfully, the Lord never leaves us to our own devices.

Knowing all this, I didn’t expect Pittsburgh to be any different. But I’ve learned that people here are some really weird mongrol of Yankee and Mid-Western. And they apparently dislike Philadelphia (the City of Brotherly Love) so much that the idea of even being remotely friendly is anathema. Because I’ve been here for nearly four years…and I still don’t have a single friend. I was reminded of that recently when one mother at church asked another mother at church if they’d like to take the kids to the zoo the one nice day (in the midst of seeming weeks of torrential downpours) that week. Right in front of me. In the middle of a conversation we were having. And my kids and I certainly weren’t included in that invitation.

Because I’ve never been asked by any woman of my four-year acquaintance who shares the same “time of life” as I do if I’d like to get coffee. Or have a play date. Or even hold a conversation after church. Honestly, I feel as invisible now as I ever did when I was single. (So for those of you who are single and reading this: marriage will not solve the invisibility problem.) And while I’m not a friendly, out-going person; I did try when I first moved here. But I’ve given up. Because I really don’t have time to sit on my bedroom floor and cry over this.

Instead, I want to thank all the friends I do have for their texts, e-mails and cards – especially this past week over my birthday. Because it reminded me that I do have friends. They’re all hundreds of miles away, but they still pour moments into my life I am more grateful for now than ever. Because a moment of sharpening is better than none. And it reminds me of the wonderful times I have spent paring apples in Allyson’s kitchen while her kids run in and out wanting to show me something. Binge-watching Downton Abbey after spending a half hour dust-mopping and then mopping that huge floor with Haley. Hours of walking all over the neighborhood and talking about who-knows-what with Jenny. Baking cookies and playing games with Karen and Laura. Coffee with Andreä (because somehow coffee defines Andreä and I can’t sip a cup without thinking about her). Black-and-white talks with Tirzah who probably can’t imagine how much I needed the fast, hard friendship we fell into. Summer days at camp with Anna whose laugh brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. And even the extremely rare lunches at Panera Bread with Katrine and Astrid. Hours upon hours upon hours of iron sharpening iron, godly women pouring so much into my life. I miss those hours so much it hurts. But the moments of today will do. They’re treasured.

I know. I’ve been extraordinarily blessed. Whereas most people have but one or two long-lasting friendships in their entire lifetime, I have many. I haven’t seen Katrine and Astrid in years, but if we sat down at Panera today we would pick up right where we left off. If I called Allyson right now, we’d be so deep in conversation in five seconds we wouldn’t want to get off the phone. And I could drop by Tirzah’s anytime – she’d give me a huge hug, set me up in some corner and we’d enjoy the greatest whirlwind visit ever. Because I have the most wonderful friends in all the world. And I wouldn’t trade one of them for any person in Pittsburgh.

So, girls, thank you! And God bless each of you!