My Third Sister: Sally

I think, perhaps, when you grow up in a family as large as mine there are some siblings you just don’t have as much to do with as others. Maybe because of the age gap…or interests…or personalities. Or you don’t have a lot to do with them at one point but might become close later on…or even grow apart. For while the gap in age seems to close as you get older, interests and personalities don’t change a whole lot. At least, that has been my experience.

 

For one thing, I wasn’t the best oldest sister in the world. I could write a whole blog trying to explain that…but with my sister Sally it seemed to be more age gap and personality that made me set myself apart. She is almost exactly eight years younger than me. The “almost exactly” part was the first rub. Because she was born a day shy of two weeks before my 8^thbirthday, I couldn’t have a party that year. Instead I could only invite one friend to sleep over, a decision that wasn’t made any easier when I hurt the feelings of other friends. So, let’s say I started out a bit resentful which never translates into a good relationship.

 

For me, Sally was just difficult to understand or get along with. Why did she have to go at everything like a steamroller? How could she see the world as black and white with no grey? Why did everything have to be an up hill battle? Did she ever exhaust herself? Even later in life when we were both young adults, someone would find out I was her sister, remark to me, “Oh, that Sally is so sweet!” and it would take everything in me not to roll my eyes as I thought, “If only they had known her when she was three!” Because “sweet” was not (and still isn’t) on my top ten list of adjectives that would describe that particular sister.

 

But don’t misunderstand me. I struggled to have a relationship with Sally. I struggled to even care about having a relationship with Sally. And it was not her fault. Even if there are eight years between us and our personalities are not “compatible”, we have shared interests and we are – most importantly – sisters. It just took me a long time to accept that Sally is Sally…perhaps because it took me a long time to figure out that it’s not my job as the eldest to “fix” my siblings. Yeah, I can be just as stubborn as she is.

 

Today Sally is 33 years old. And while we aren’t “besties”, I am so grateful to have her in my life. Not in the least because she is a great aunt to my kids, especially Ethan….who is very like Sally in some ways. Over the last six months, whenever she is available, she has been taking Ethan up to my parents’ house (where she lives) to “pow-pow” with him. I can’t remember how long Sally has had boxing as a hobby, but she has a decent setup in her bedroom and Ethan lovesgoing up there to get boxing lessons and have some fun. I love that she spends some time with the little guy who needs a channel for his rough ways. Truly, life wouldn’t be the same without Sally!

 

Ethan and his favorite aunt: Sally!