The Lord works in mysterious ways, and He put me out of town at a great moment. The problem is now I really wish I had not returned.

It seems the very day I left, the state decided to show up for our six year audit. They sent this mousy little woman who doesn't seem to have any clue about what she is doing. To support this theory, she is still in our office after a week and a half. Of course we're all terrified of her, but its more than the fact that she's from the state. If you say something to her, she jumps a mile. I've only ever met one other state auditor, but I get the impression this one is odd.

Then the day I returned to Texas, my boss got a letter - well, a book - in the mail concerning the audit we had to massively collect last March/April. Bad news. One million dollars worth of bad news. He's going to fight it. This is a five step appeal process. You make the first appeal and if that doesn't work, go to step two. That should take a grand total of oneand half years. If that doesn't work, he's hired an attorney and we'll go to court. But, that will take five years. So much for that "speedy trial" our Constitution proudly proclaims. Of course, I don't think the Founding Fathers ever dreamed of Medicare or government funded health care either.

So, this is what I jumped back into. The only comfort I had was every single co-worker I've seen/talked to says one thing: "Melissa, we are SOOOO glad to have you back. You can't EVER leave again." That's what they think.

Today I started a weekly tutoring job. Just for an hour or hour and a half one day a week for now. It's the daughter of one of the nurses I work with. She's just started at a local community college and has some learning struggles. So I poured over very basic algebra equations this evening. I think some people wonder why in the world I've decided to pile on one more thing. Some of it is I need distractions from other problems in my life. But, truly, its because I love it. I love to sit with a student and teach them. I love to watch them grasp negative and positive numbers. I love to watch them understand like terms. Their eyes light up, they are so proud of themselves, and I feel like I've accomplished something - even if it is a very small something.

For I have now remembered why office work burned me out five years ago. It's because you accomplish nothing. You finished the billing for this month? Well, guess what? You get to do it again next month. Printed off a hundred nurse's notes? It won't take them long to go through those. Tore down a dead chart? There are two live ones to build and take its place. And you spent four exhausting, tense weeks gathering a tower of information that is seven feet tall when stacked? Well, in six months you'll spend another four exhausting, tense weeks pulling together more information because the government didn't like what you sent them. And you already know that no matter how carefully you gather that information, in another four to six months you'll spend another four weeks piling up more information. So, in the end, there are no goals - no mountains to climb. Nothing is ever accomplished. You reach the peak, only to find another to climb. It never ends.

Sometimes we say life is a vicious circle. But it isn't really. It has a start and it has a finish. For those of us who are Christians, it even has a goal: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We fall short of that goal, yes, but at least we always have something to strive for. And, in the end, we will hear a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I think that's why I like to read. A book starts and ends. It's why I like to write. You start with "Once upon a time..." and end with "Happily Ever After". There even comes a point when you just have to stop editing it to pieces. And its why I loved the hour and a half I spent this evening, even though some may call me crazy to go from work to work. But teaching kids is rewarding. Because although we should never stop learning, many lessons are learned but once. (Remember when you learned to ride a bike? Have you ever forgotten?) And right now when I'm faced with things I can't see the end of, I need a goal that is a joy to accomplish. Now if only Christ would come back soon...