Social Distancing

About two years ago, I overhead a rather loud debate when we were out enjoying ice cream on a summer evening between two men out with their wives/girlfriends who were also eating ice cream. The older of the two men was probably just a bit older than me, part of the “Generation X” I narrowly missed by being born just after the start of 1980 (which most statisticians use as the starting point of “Millennials”). The other man was somewhere on the tail-end of the Millennial generation and start of Generation Z and in his early-to-mid-twenties. Their debate was all about being social.

The older man was arguing that the current generation (a.k.a. the Millennials), don’t know anything about being social. They don’t want to meet up somewhere. They don’t return phone calls. They don’t even want you to call them: please text, message on some app, or – as a last resort – e-mail. The younger man argued that studies proved his generation to be the most social generation ever. A generation with more connections, peer associations, and interaction than any other generation that has ever existed. I quickly realized that their endless debate hinged on one thing: the interpretation of the word “social”.

Unlike some words in our English language that I have watched completely change in meaning during my lifetime (i.e.: gay, queer, and now – apparently – even the word “they”), “social” does not have a new definition. But it does have new interpretations. Previous generations understood the word social to mean outings with friends, being around people, and – in a pinch – having one-on-one conversations on a phone. The current generation, the up-and-coming generation, and the generation now being born will interpret the word social as any sort of interaction between humans. This has come to rarely mean an actual face-to-face conversation or even words exchanged over a telephone. It usually means texting or messaging over some form of social media. No talking required. In fact, you don’t even need a proper use of the English language. Emojis will do.

The reality is, both men were right in their arguments according to their interpretation. The older man saw a downward spiral of meaningful, face-to-face interactions among those younger than himself. And he is right. The younger man saw a spike in momentary interactions among his peers. And he is also right. But one can’t be compared to the other. It’s not apples and apples. It’s oranges and bananas.

But Millennials do pride themselves in being social. They seem to mark themselves not by their career achievements and families but by how many friends they have on Facebook or followers they can count on Instagram. For that matter, they seem to find great standing on how many social media apps they maintain, seeking relationships with people they have never and, probably, will never meet. And yet they call all these people from around the world their “friends”, spend hours upon hours a day “chatting” in half-spelled words and virtual hieroglyphics, and go to bed at night thinking they have been very social. Only to find themselves now faced with the reality that they don’t have a meaningful relationship to bank on.

It’s one of the ironies of this coronavirus pandemic. The term “social distancing” has become a catch-phrase, politicians using it to demand we stay in our homes, don’t go to the store, close all sit-down eating places, work solely on our laptops from our couches, keep the kids occupied until we’re ready to tie them up, and – basically – never get within two feet of another human being. It’s actually the very definition of what Millennials pride themselves in: being social without having any actual contact with anyone. So, this whole “social distancing” thing shouldn’t be a problem, right? Life just goes on as it always has with the Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and whatever apps happily connecting people all over the world as they share the best way to keep the kids driving them insane locked away in a closet.

Only, that’s not how it’s turned out at all.

Suddenly, social media apps aren’t sufficient. With no one in the next cubicle, or the check-out line, or the water cooler to talk to for a few minutes; people are closing in on themselves and it’s not good. As a stay-at-home mom, I know what days on end inside four walls are like. Problems that really aren’t that large grow and grow because they are the only thing you face every day for days. Chatting with another stay-at-home mom for two minutes after church (before chasing Ethan down to tell him to stop running) and hearing how her week has gone allows me to realize that my problems aren’t abnormal, I’m not the only stay-at-home mom who feels isolated, and there is someone I can pray for. That two-minute-chat does me more good than all the Instagram pictures of stupid cats from the last year will ever do. And people who thought their whole social life existed on the internet are realizing that. Twitter does not take the place of even a ten-second exchange of words over a cubicle wall. We were not created to be “socially distant”. And, deep down, we know it.

I don’t know what the outcome of this pandemic will be. People are trying to forecast it, but I’m not sure we can fully understand the effects that, not the pandemic itself, but our response to it are going to create. It certainly won’t be pretty, but maybe some good will come from it all. Perhaps an appreciation of those around us instead of those across the world we “know” from Twitter. A new take on what being social is and how it plays such an important part in our lives. More gratefulness for the people God has placed in our lives. I certainly hope I can find that good…and maybe a five-minute-chat instead of a two-minute one!