To Emry

Dear Little Girl,

Today is your 5^thbirthday…which is very hard to believe. It certainly doesn’t feel like five years have passed since you quickly appeared one cool, spring night in Pittsburgh. And yet…

So many people told me the age of three would be the most challenging. That may actually be the case with Ethan, but I have found that your past year of age four has been the hardest for both of us. As you have come out of being a toddler and entered the stages of little girl, your world growing as well as your understanding of it, you seem to take it head on. And if it doesn’t go your way, drama ensues. Some days I just hope you get it all out now so we don’t have to replay the drama when you hit thirteen!

Because you are certainly a firstborn, more so than ever as you anticipate the birth of what you hope and pray is a sister. So often I see myself in you…and sympathize for my siblings who put up with me. You like to be in control when you are playing with Ethan. You expect your activities to go a certain way and get upset if they do not. You are the leader among your little “click” of church small group friends. And you like to know what each day will hold, asking me each night as you are tucked in, “Mama, what are we doing tomorrow?” How I wish I could make you see your world just a little bit differently so you can avoid my downfalls, but I can only pray you are a better oldest sister than I have ever been.

But when the days are sunny and bright, you are a fun little thing to be around. You are creative, your bedroom floor forever covered with bits of paper you have cut away from your craft projects. You love to draw and color things for other people, especially Ethan. You find utter joy in anything that is sparkly and glittery. You have budded in your ballet class, found confidence after your summer swimming lessons, and sing Frozensongs at the top of your lungs even though we are pretty sure you’re tone deaf. 

As we started Kindergarten this past fall, it has been fun to see what your little mind gears toward. I always thought it would be reading since you love to be read to, but while you are a decent reader when you focus and exceptionally good at phonics, math has proven to be your favorite. You love flash cards, figure things out you haven’t actually been taught, and may finally fulfill Grandma Sturm’s wish of having a child who loves math. Maybe it’s because you share her name.

But best of all has been your spiritual growth this past year. While a day does not go past when I am not reminded that you (and me!) are a sinner, the thoughtful insights you have and full assurance that what the Bible says is true are also gracious reminders of the Lord working in your life. It is such a joy when I see your childlike faith, and a much needed reminder to me of the faith I need to have.

So, yes, the past year has been challenging. A year of me praying through some of your hardest problems, unsure of what I can do to help you through them. But it has also been a year of grace and joy as you have grown, learned, and started to spread your already independent wings. Even on our roughest days, little girl, you are one of the greatest blessings God has given us…and I love you very much.

Love,

Mama