Mothers

Many weeks ago (I know I’m not the only one loosing track of time as we all “shelter in place” as if waiting for a nuclear bomb to hit us) as this whole thing started, I saw an article written by a woman who, in gist, declared that prior to all this she had little to no respect for SAHMs. Now being forced to stay home from work with her two school-aged kids she suddenly realized that SAHMs have the toughest job in the world…and she respected them greatly.

For those of you who are like me – technically a millennial but never up to date with the newest acronyms – a SAHM is a “Stay-At-Home-Mom”. In essence, it is what most of our mothers were, 90% of our grandmothers were, and 100% of what our great-grandmothers were. Today, of course, a stay-at-home-mom is about as extinct as a dinosaur. It’s not an acceptable lifestyle, considered prehistoric and certainly not a respectable “occupation”. In fact, you tell someone you’re a stay-at-home-mom and they look at you like you have two heads…or shuffle six feet away lest the “disease” is contagious and they might end up having to stay at home with their own kids. Which would be, like, hell on earth. And makes you wonder why they have kids anyway.

Part of the reason, I think, people tend to look down on those of us who choose to stay home with our kids is that they think we don’t do anything all day long. That our kids play sweetly together in the sandbox while we sip our morning coffee and read our favorite novel. Or, if they are school aged, we send them off to class and go play bridge and get a manicure. The latter, perhaps, could be true if you do send your kids to school. But the mothers I know that choose to send their kids to school usually have other children at home or go get a job during school hours. And the mothers who choose to homeschool…well, we certainly don’t have hours to spare between flash cards, reading aloud, tests, making assignments, following up on making sure our kids come out with a decent education…and usually said mothers are doing that for several kids in several grades! Not to mention potty training, fights against naptime, breaking up fights, general playtime, fixing meals, doing laundry, taking kids to this practice or that… And maybe by the end of the day, we’ll catch a few winks of sleep. Maybe.

The truth is, SAHMs should be the most respected people on earth. After all, they fill every moment of a 24-hour day for...well, nothing. There is no pay for this job. In fact, if being a SAHM was a business, it’s run entirely in the red as you feed, clothe, teach, and take care of the kids. There are no benefits: no paid vacation (or unpaid for that matter), no health benefits, no sick leave (in fact, usually “sick time” means taking care of everyone else while trying to eliminate your own symptoms) and no retirement plan – not that that matters anyhow since there is no such thing as “retirement”. And the hours are 24/7. No one in their right mind would apply for a job like that. And yet generations of woman have done it. And survived.

Many things are going to come out of this whole “pandemic”. Most will be bad, but – hopefully – some will be good. Unfortunately, I have a serious doubts that it will turn working mothers into SAHMs. Most of them will be more than happy to send the kids back to school and return to work. However, maybe it will earn those who choose and then make the sacrifices to be a SAHM a little more respect. Because now everyone should have a bit more understanding of what it means to be at home nearly every hour of the day, pouring precious moments into kids instead of much-needed sleep.  So, this Mother’s Day, take a moment to consider the world you have been forced to live in light of the world your mother chose. And then thank her. Profusely. Because she has earned it – more than you will ever know.