Bubbles!

So everybody knows that bubbles are fun: blowing them, popping them, chasing them, bathing in them. I thought on Wednesday night I would try some bubble artwork with the kids. I saw you could mix bubbles with paint, blow the bubbles with a straw and then lay paper on them so they created painted bubbles. Well, forget the paper or the artwork. My three 4th graders had a lot more fun spending the next ten or fifteen minutes blowing small bubbles, big bubbles, hives of bubbles, families of bubbles, and whatever else bubbles can be in the imagination of ten year olds! Not only that, but the kids in the younger class were very envious. One offered to be my best friend and give me a million dollars if I would let him join my class. Four-year-old John just looked at me with his adorable eyes and begged. Mental note to self: if I can't come up with anything else for class, bring bubbles.

 Frankie: my creative scientist who liked the beehive look.

Matt: the one who frightenly reminds me of me and tried to blow the biggest.

 Kate: you can tell she has only brothers to compete with as she was trying both the beehive and biggest bubble look.

The Fear of Courage

I wouldn't call myself a courageous person by a long shot. After all, I haven't a great deal to be courageous about. My world is very small. The enemies I may have are like the enemies everyone has: people that simply don't like you for whatever reason. I don't live in a country where I am persecuted for my faith - yet. Nor do I live in a place where I could be harassed for casting a vote of conscience - again,yet. But it is amazing what it can take courage to do.

I was talking to a friend this week about some fears that I have. Most of my fears relate to not doing what I should be doing. Last week it seemed like every other person told me how gifted I am at my job. Which led me to wonder if I'm so "gifted" is being between four walls of an office behind a computer shuffling papers what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my living days? Give up dreams and hopes of being a wife, having children, writing books...After all, I don't measure up by half to the Proverbs 31 woman. If I married, would the guy end up hating my guts for making his life miserable? If I had children, I could make enough mistakes to ruin their very souls. And writing? Well, I've yet to be convinced I'm any good at that in spite of what some people have said. I'd be much safer between my four walls behind a computer shuffling papers. At the most, I could hope to find four walls, a computer and some papers in a place where there are mountains a beautiful season called winter. For if that's the gift God gave me, would I be wrong to leave that for what I would love to have instead?

My friend quoted Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Yeah, yeah. I've known those verse for thirty years. I don't need them quoted to me.

But later I got to thinking about them...and about what I consider one of the biggest failures of my life. I've always felt that failure had to do with my lack of courage. I was afraid to stand my ground simply because I didn't want to loose something I held very dear. So, I kept my mouth shut...and lost it anyway. Since the outcome was the same, the least I could have done was said something, right? Yeah...if I had had an ounce of courage.

Courage isn't the absence of fear. If you had no fear, you wouldn't need any courage. I suppose, like most people, my greatest fear is the unknown. I want change. I hate feeling trapped in an office and cry at the idea that I could be trapped in one til the day I die instead of having children in my life, and living somewhere beautiful, and maybe writing a book or two worth publishing. But if I actually grasped the courage and stepped out on it, what would I loose in the process? And that is my own understanding. That's not trusting in the Lord, telling Him my desires and fears (even though He already knows them) and begging Him to fulfill them as only He knows how or turn them in the direction best for me. If I would do that, then "He shall direct my paths". No more feeling trapped, afraid to turn. It was then I realized that it takes courage to trust the Lord.

Thinking all this is just the tip of the iceberg. Truly trusting God with the way my life is as well as the desires of my heart is a work in progress - probably a lifetime work in progress. I just pray I will have the courage to trust just enough to see God's loving direction...and accept whatever that is.

Do I Look Skinny to You?

I've been told lately that I've been losing weight. Since I typically lose weight in my face, I usually take those compliments with a grain of salt. However, I actually think that's true as late...my clothes are looser than they were. Don't ask me what I've been doing. I did change up my exercise routine a bit which always helps. As the temperatures continue to rise, it will continue to change. (I can't tell you how much I dread running at five in the morning when the only advantage is there's no sun - it's still 90 out!) But maybe that means I'll continue to lose weight.

I'll never be skinny. I've never been skinny - except when I was a very small girl. But I do want to be healthy. So, I try to eat right, and exercise well, and keep ice cream to a minimum of once a week (maybe twice if an occasion arises). It just seems like whenever people start remarking that I'm loosing weight, they then try to feed me!

This week was Administrative Professional's Week. Which, I guess, I am. When you do a job you can do in your sleep, it doesn't seem professional or noteworthy, but those I work with would beg to differ - to the point of tying me to my chair and never letting me leave. I'm not sure if that makes me feel appreciated or trapped.

Not to say I'm not appreciated (or trapped - but that's another story). I know I am. I got flowers this week - very lovely ones. And food. I should say sweets. Like enough sugar to keep me up for thirty minutes and then send me crashing for three hours. One of the nurses went out and got me a milkshake from Chick-fil-a...and added a cookie. Our new marketer bought me a white chocolate raspberry Nothing Bundt Cake (which I hear are to die for, but I haven't tried it yet). And I got a gift certificate for Chick-fil-a (which I will use for something besides more milkshakes). Yes, I am appreciated.

But so much for the 15 miles I ran this week...or the losing weight. Maybe if I run 20 next week!

Randomness

Okay, so I don't know about everyone else, but this new format to post my blog and look over the ones I follow is a little strange...I have a feeling it's a preview of my week: just give it a little while, Melissa, and you'll get use to it. You always do.

Not much going on in the state of Texas. Would much rather be in Buffalo, NY right now. I could probably find quite a few people willing to change places with me: exchange a foot of snow for a blue sky, 70 degrees and a nice breeze. Don't mean to rub it in, but I mean it. I haven't seen a foot of snow in over a year and I hate it!

As far as work goes...it's a Monday. One nurse is out of town. Two are sick. One has a sick 8-year-old. That leaves me with the on-call nurse who isn't even supposed to work today (but willingly made a visit for me) and one healthy nurse...who has had to pronounce a death, visit a patient who is actively dying, and she's on-call tonight. If I were her, I'd call in sick tomorrow.

I was so exhausted this morning when I got up, I thought about calling in sick - but I don't do that. The one time I was actually sick enough to do that, I worked anyhow and had every nurse telling me to go home. Still am tired and the plantar fasciitis I've been fighting for a month now that finally started feeling great last week is now making my whole leg feel weary. Yet despite all that, I was running at a pace of a 9:35 mile today. Five seconds off my normal pace and five seconds closer to what I would love to run on average. If I run that half marathon with Angela (one of the nurses), I need to plan on being half dead that day. Just think of what my time would be then!

Just four or five more Wednesdays to go teaching the kids at church this year. It's hard to believe the year has gone by so fast! Looking forward to this week. We're going to run the "Amazing Race". (Well, an extremely condensed version of it.) Got to go home tonight and get things ready for it. But I think it's a pretty cool way of studying the hymn "America, the Beautiful"...since we can't exactly take a field trip to the Rockies - which would be WAY cool.

Washing rocks tonight...for my dollhouse. It's laying on it's backside right now so I could attach the rest of the "foundation". While it's laying there (driving me crazy because now I can see the un-painted undersides), I need to actually attach all the rocks to the foundation. Then I can put on the porch, the pieces of which are ready to be attached. Now I can add to my building resume bricklaying. Now that I think about it, my resume would look pretty impressive if I added all the things I've had to do on this dollhouse: electrician, painter, wallpapering, carpenter, interior designer...too bad I have no inclination of getting a job in any of those fields!

This Car (or Runner) Stops for Turtles

When I was a little girl and lived out in the country in Tennessee, if we spotted a turtle on the side of the road, Mom would pull over and catch it for us. She would put it in the back of the station wagon, and Katey and I would anxiously await the arrival home so we could play with our new (and short-lived) pet. Mostly I just remember painting the turtle's shell before sending it back out into the wild...the envy of all it's turtle friends whose shells were green, and brown, and boring.

Of course, there was the one time when Mom stopped for a turtle, put it in the back of the station wagon, and it tried to escape. He was probably akin to the Count of Monte Cristo, for it tried and tried to scratch the vinyl away so it could make it's way to freedom. All that racket scared Katey and I. We screamed it would climb out, and get to us, and scratch us. So, Mom stopped the car and released that turtle back into the wild before we ever made it home. I'm not sure who was relieved more: Mom, Katey and I, or the turtle.

Over the years, my family has had a series of "pet" turtles found in the yard or along the side of the road. There was Tommy, who my sister Jenny adored. She would sit in the cage with him, or carry him lovingly around - upside down. The poor thing saw the world upside down so much when we released it, it circled right back to our home. It did this three times before it finally managed to find a getaway.

In our last home in New Hampshire, some snapping turtle must have laid it's eggs not too far from our house. By the time we finished combing the lawn, we came up with a dozen or more little snappers we raced before releasing in our wetland area. But the only turtle that was truly a pet for many years was Daniel's little snapper Diamond. His little snapper Spike didn't last quite as long, thanks to Abby dropping him into the toy box never to be found again until he had shriveled up and died. Not sure Daniel every forgave her for that...

Well, yesterday while I was out running at the park, I came across a turtle in my path. A little thing I couldn't resist picking up and taking back to the office with me. My excuse was I was teaching the kids at church that night and every kid loves to play with a turtle, right? Dubbed "George" by the other office manager, he has been my pet now for 24 hours. I'll release him back into the wild in a little while where he can wander along and tell all his turtle friends about the ice cold office he nearly hibernated in, the car rides, falling off my desk, and the kids that enjoyed him. He'll be the envy of all his small-world turtle friends...even if I didn't have time to paint his shell.

George hibernating - I keep the office quite cold!

My car was much warmer!