I probably try too hard to be practical. To face life as it comes. To be content with what I have and make the most of it. Some of that may come from moving constantly. When you do that, you just learn to lump it. Make friends - leave them. Start a project - leave it. Make a home - what's that? I sound callous. I'm not. It hurts.
So, I put up walls - or I try. That never seems to work out as well as I would like, although most people would probably say I am very hard to get to know. And I try very hard not to dream. Of course, I am a girl. I like fairy tales. I love happily ever afters. But you won't believe how hard I try to not think about them. They hurt.
You might think I'm talking about something very serious...I am. Something in my life I am trying to leave in God's hands and rest upon Him. Some days I do quite well at that. Others I'm just resigned. And, of course, there are tears and the inevitable Melissa-Sturm-trying-to-plan-for-every-contingency. Truth be told, I drive myself crazy.
On the other hand, what I'm talking about isn't so serious...but almost as difficult. You see, I have two favorite seasons: autumn and winter. And for the last three years, I haven't enjoyed either one. Because, you see, Texas doesn't have them. I don't mean they're not on the calendar (although if given the chance, Texans would have their own calendar) - they simply don't exist. This year our leaves were brown in July, thanks to no rain and scorching temperatures. No color, no crisp mornings, no stomping through leaves in the woods. And winter? People keep assuring me that February is on it's way and it will be winter...but when it's nearly 80 degrees out right now, all I want to do is sit down and sob. The lack of frigid mornings, grey skies and the hope of snow makes my heart ache. Literally.
On Wednesday night with the kids, we studied Martin Luther's "A Mighty Fortress is our God". As I read the first verse to them I realized how difficult the language of that hymn is for a 7-year-old. I tried to explain to the kids what "He amidst the floods of mortal ills prevailing" means because, of course, Matt said it was talking about the flood and Noah's ark. I explained it was a metaphor and asked if the kids knew what that meant. Matt pops back with, "Oh, we studied that in school. A metaphor is an example of two things with the comparison of 'like'." (Did I mention Matt is only 11?) After getting over the shock of that answer, I tried to explain that the "flood" in the hymn talks about bad things that happen to us that can seem as overwhelming as a literal flood. I asked if they had ever experienced something like that. In response, I got blank looks. Then 7-year-old Trinity shook her head. "No," she said. "Nothing like that has ever happened to me." All I could think was, "Oh, to be seven again!"
Sadly, one day those children will experience floods. And heartaches. They'll have tough decisions...and choose wrongly. Friends will hurt them or just leave their lives. Dreams will never come true. It's the way of a sinful world. And it hurts. But I pray those children know their Mighty Fortress and cling to Him. Some days it's the only thing that gets me through hard choices...and 80 degree temperatures in January.
No comments:
Post a Comment