Grammar Report

My dad has been visiting this weekend. This morning he showed me Caleb's grammar report. And I will admit, my "baby" brother is a better writer than I...at least at satire. But, then, most of my younger siblings are better at just about everything than I am. (Maybe I can take credit in teaching them something and them excelling from there, but I doubt it.) Regardless, I do take pride in my younger siblings' achievements. So, with the writer's permission, I thought I would share:

Toilet paper can become a very complicated matter if one lets it get out of hand (no pun intended). Has anyone of us not had the unfortunate and deeply annoying experience of sitting down to do one’s business in the facilities and only realized that the tools required to complete one’s goal are not readily available when one reaches the end of the journey to heed the call of the wild? I myself have many times sat down in relative comfort and peace of mind to relieve my stress, only to realize that some inconsiderate philistine has taken all of the toilet paper required to finish my work and have had to make the awkward, and often treacherous maneuver to stand up and reach around the edge of the doorway and grab a roll from our supply of replacements. And in one than more occasion, not only did the uncouth barbarian take all of my immediately required amenities but they also didn’t bother to even open the new package of replacements, forcing me therefore to further extend my anguish and try to reach both arms around the protrusion and rip the package apart in order to restore peace of mind to myself and the rest of the household. The really tragic part of the whole affair is that it all could be avoided if certain proverbial idiots thought to merely place a new roll of urgently desired cloth on the back of the seat of relief. Of course we have all heard the excuses, “there was still some left”, “I forgot”, “I couldn’t find any”, “it wasn’t me” and my personal favorite “I didn’t think you needed any”. We often take our duties in this life for granted, but there is no calling that compares to that of caring for one’s fellow man and may we all be able to look in the mirror tonight and think with pride, “I didn’t leave my brother hanging”.