Pride and Prejudice Reborn

Okay, I'm guilty of watching Pride and Prejudice say, I don't know...more times than I can count on two hands. And we're talking the five-hour version. Colin Firth, Jennifer Ehle...I've seen the other versions, too, but if you're going to watch Pride and Prejudice then you may as well spend five hours doing it. After all, the longer you can watch Mr. Darcy the better, right? Right.

I've read Pride and Prejudice a half dozen times as well. Which, actually, takes less time than watching it for five hours - go figure that. But for the most part I've stayed away from the hundreds of sequels, revamps, modernizations and just plain ridiculousness. I've read some mysteries not based on Pride and Prejudice but on Jane Austen herself, and while they were entertaining, I didn't leap for joy. One modern twist I read didn't at all impress me. But several months ago I saw a mystery based on Pride and Prejudice that looked like it could be worthwhile. So, I checked it out at the library. Let's just say it's taken me longer than five hours to get through it...

I'm not at all impressed. Every character in the book is flat. I think I'm suppose to sympathize with Wickham, but he's too much a rascal to ever conjure up sympathy. I detest Colonel Fitzwilliam who I have always admired from the books. I didn't get any of the motives the author did from the original. Only Jane and Bingley remotely resemble the characters Jane Austen created. Of course, this is all in my personal opinion. But maybe it's the whole mystery genre. If I tried Darcy as a werewolf or Elizabeth as a zombie maybe I'd come out better. And if that doesn't work, there's hundreds of erotic versions...and I might even track down one in sci-fi: Pride and Prejudice: The Next Generation.

The truth is, I was burned on Pride and Prejudice remakes with  movies before I ever picked up a book. The Indian musical version was interesting but different enough that I didn't mount a public protest. The one I hated was Lost in Austen. I'm sorry, but Darcy is supposed to marry Elizabeth. If he doesn't, everything is wrong and it's time to go into deep mourning. I almost did.

I was telling a friend all this whose response was, "Well, you should write a sequel." Not happening. For I have come to a final conclusion on the subject: Pride and Prejudice is a classic. A masterpiece. And it should be left alone.