Behind

I can’t remember the last time I went more than a week without posting on my blog, even if I often back-date because I’m running a bit behind getting things uploaded. But November ended in a whirlwind. It started with the sudden passing of Ed’s dad. It ended with Ed’s sister-in-law calling me names I have never been called in my entire life.

 

Ed received a phone call from his brother just after noon on November 17. Ellyson was sleeping, the other two were outside playing in the abnormally warm weather, and I was getting an early start on work after two 20-hour weeks I was hoping I wouldn’t have to replicate for week three. Their father had had a heart attack, fallen, broken his neck, and was in the hospital. The next couple of hours were rather confusing. David (Ed’s brother) was actually in Mississippi on Army Reserves training. His wife, Sara, was the one at the hospital (as well as his dad’s older brother Bernie), so it felt like messages and phone calls were going all sorts of ways. When Ed got through to the doctor, he confirmed what had happened and said the pulse was weak and he was turning off the machines. Larry Camus passed away that afternoon.

 

Piecing together things later, Mr. Camus had left his brother’s house (he had just moved back there after having to leave his apartment a few weeks ago) to walk to his church. He was a devout Catholic and was at church more often than not. At the age of 80, he wasn’t in great health and walked nearly folded in half. But being independent, he didn’t like to ask Bernie for a ride. So, he started walking as he often did. He had a heart attack and as his body showed no signs that he tried to catch himself when he fell (and so broke his neck), the doctor said it was likely he was unconscious upon impact. Someone saw it happen, stopped, called 911, and tried to help. Whoever that person was, thank you.

 

So, the next day was a whirlwind. Ed wanted to get out first thing in the morning, but I warned him that I could not get myself and three small kids packed “first thing”. Not to mention I needed to run to the store because it was grocery shopping week and we had virtually no food for a trip. It was all very stressful and we didn’t get out the door until almost one. Despite everything, we made it to David’s house in Pittsburgh at about 8:30. And while I was glad we didn’t need to maneuver a hotel, I was hesitant. We hadn’t seen them since before Ethan was born. Sara can be…well, “prickly” would prove to be a minor adjective. They have four of their own kids. And this wasn’t a happy occasion to have a sudden family gathering. Ed assured me everything would be fine. I just decided to keep my kids as happy as can be and fly as low as possible until we left Sunday morning.

 

Although Thursday wasn’t bad, times like these are akin to a bottle that is slowly getting shaken until the build-up explodes. Not a lot happened that day and even Sara was pretty friendly, in her element as she and my mother-in-law tried to out-do each other with stories of how mistreated they had been and still were. Friday was the visitation. Ed and I did take the kids and I stayed with the kids for about an hour before we went back to David’s. That evening was also generally fine. Ed, David and Sara didn’t get back to the house until late and we all got the kids to bed. But Saturday…

 

The funeral was that morning and Ed and I had already decided I would stay at David’s with the kids who wouldn’t survive a full-blown Catholic funeral mass (not to mention myself). I also kept David’s three youngest Macey (10), Zoey, and Declan (just turned 3). Caley (his eldest at 15) went with David, Sara, and Ed. It would be a long day for all, but it started okay.

 

By 4 that afternoon, I had not heard from Ed and was exhausted with the televisions (yes, plural) being on all day even though I attempted to turn one of them off quite often, Ellyson sleeping in fits-and-starts, Declan saying “shut up, idiot” every time I spoke to him, and generally making myself as useful as possible by cleaning, washing dishes, and making sure everyone was fed and happy. I also packed everything so we could leave first thing in the morning as I was sure our welcome was wearing thin. I finally called Ed after four just to see where things stood and if I was supposed to find something for dinner. Within the next two-and-a-half ubered me not only pizza and milkshakes, but my mother-in-law. I called Ed. I had no intention of pushing the domino I apparently knocked over that started the effect. I simply wanted to inform Ed that sending over his mother was not remotely helpful (he had no clue what I was talking about as Sara had done that), and I needed him to start making his way back with a salad in tow. When he told David and Sara, the thin ice broke. Before I knew it, Sara stormed into the house trailed by David and Caley (who slipped upstairs and hid). 

 

She didn’t have the courage to yell at my face, but it didn’t take me two seconds to know I was the subject of her screams and swearing at David in the kitchen. I called Ed, told him we were leaving the moment he returned, and began gathering our things and my kids. This took some time as I was trying to be calm (even though I was physically shaking) as I directed my children, Ellyson needed to be fed, and Ed needed to finish packing change when he got back. It was the most awful half hour of my life as I shook, cried, and feared that she would hurt me or my kids. Emry picked up on it. Ethan had a three-year-old moment so I had to cross Sara’s path as I hauled him out the car. She followed, but David stopped her in the doorway so I wrangled Ethan in, told Emry to buckle up while warding off her questions, and ran back to get Ellyson. Ed had her, but I grabbed her and ran to the car, shutting myself in so I could shake and cry. After being able to get a few minutes to say good-bye to his brother, Ed joined us and off we went. And believe me, if I ever see Pittsburgh again, it will be too soon.

In a nutshell, that is why you have not heard from me in over a week. Driving through the night, we made record time getting home. And if anything good came out of it, the drive with sleeping kids gave Ed and I some time to talk. I hated that things had ended as they had, especially since Ed needed what time he could to say good-bye to his dad and be with his brother. Sadly, though, this was not the only family funeral when Sara caused a scene like that and Ed had been in the midst of those, too. So, while he shrugged it off as par for the course, it has left me feeling very sad in the midst of my fear and anger. And very grateful for my Savior who gives us hope above all the awfulness of this world.